forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
