I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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