Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
