its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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