You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
