Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
