Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
