Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
