so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
