Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
