I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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