So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
