Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
