I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
