the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
oh god was she eating orange peels again
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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