Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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