We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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