i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
