i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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