You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
