the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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