I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
