I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
