i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize