Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Even the bartender felt bad for me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
