I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
