I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm bleeding and have questions
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
