No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
