I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
