So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
