My nipple is on Facebook.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
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