I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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