i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
