I'm jealous of your bromance
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
