I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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