i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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