She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
