The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
