you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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