If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
