You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
