the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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