This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
