just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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