i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
