It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
