I'm lost and stupid without you.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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