Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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