You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
