I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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