I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
