i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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