She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
