new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
