a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
