dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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