I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
