no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
