well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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