At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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