we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
