I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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