i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
