Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
